Lena Czura (Part Two)

Parker

Welcome to a sex workers Guide to the Galaxy where the answer to life, the universe and everything is sex workers. I'm your host, Parker Westwood. And you know it already, if you've been listening, this episode is the second half of my conversation with my good friend and very, very dear human to me Lena Czura. This episode, we talk about spirituality, the practice of somatics, and energy work. We talk a lot about boundaries, and cultivating resilience, all very important things to both of us. So, it's a really fantastic conversation, in my humble opinion. Yeah, and we're still in pride month, I hope you all are celebrating as much as possible, and just cultivating community wherever you can because that's really, that's really what's gonna save us and what this month is all about respecting each other for who we are and celebrating each other for who we are. Don't forget to celebrate yourself a little bit. And I'll remind us all once more, that the first Pride was a protest. So let us not forget, sometimes we need to raise our voices and wreak some havoc in order for people to know that change needs to be made and we look good while we do it. I'm really grateful that you all are here and listening and I feel like I get to celebrate you every time I record these podcasts because I just still can't I can't handle it. I'm just so glad you're here. So, in the name of celebrating people we love, I'm here to share with you this interview with Lena Czura. Let's jump in.

Lena Czura

Oh fuck.

Parker

And we're back, I love it so much. Okay, so here we get into spiritual practice. I'm, I'm trying to think like how.

Lena Czura

I mean spiritualism, and my spirituality, my anti-racism work is like all.

Parker

They go very hand in hand.

Lena Czura

They're the fuck hand in hand.

Parker

Yeah. So, like when, um, my question originally for you is like, when did you begin to develop a spiritual practice? And I think I think that's still a good question. Let's go with it.

Lena Czura

Yeah let’s do it. That's a really good question. I was wait, I'm going to creak around in this chair for a second [noises]. Um, okay oh, I make a lot of noises and I cuss a lot.

Parker

Yeah.

Lena Czura

Which I think of,

Parker

It's part of your brand.

Lena Czura

It's part of my brand. It's part of my brand if I, if, if we are in a professional dating dynamic then you know this by now, if you don't, and you want to be, fair warning. Um, so my journey with spirituality really began when I was in my mid 20s and I was really losing myself in a romantic relationship. I had a pattern of being in relationship after relationship and completely enmeshing with my partner. And enmeshment, do we need to say what enmeshment is?

Parker

Go for it. Why not?

Lena Czura

Yeah, I don't know why I just set myself up for that. Um, enmeshing is where, I will in my in the way that I think about it. I don't know there's a definition on Google I'm sure. But like the way that I understand it is when one's sense of self, like emotional state of being, mental state of being, there is no spiritual, heads up as it turns out, becuase one's emotional state of being and mental state of being is really wrapped in with another person and enmeshment can happen in it doesn't it doesn't necessarily have to be like in a romantic dynamic. It happens in family relationships, friend relationships, co-working relationships, where we just really start to completely externalize our sense of self, our state of being. Spoiler alert, it's where we like actually, instead of having a healthy spiritual relationship with something bigger than ourselves, we make another person that thing, we make another person our higher power.

Parker

Yeah.

Lena Czura

So, it turns out I was doing that time and time and time again.

Parker

Fuckin A, yeah.

Lena Czura

Yeah, yeah and, and I had one of my super close friends point like, just like lovingly pointed that out to me. Um, and I've always been relationships, community relationships, I'm saying relationships as like, platonic, like I've always been in community that has been thank god, like, really, like critically thinking, really like emotion forward. I've been like not the emotional person in my community for a long time. I've not been like, I did not come out the womb as community organizer, I did not come out the womb as a critical thinker. I came out the womb like ready to fucking cope and manage in the family dynamic that I was born into that made me a raging codependent. And in in that space, I didn't have a lot of feelings like my, my coping mechanism in my childhood was to like sublimate and disassociate and I took that into, theres, and I took that into my young adulthood, which was not a recipe for spirituality. So, when I was in community with folks who like, were on journeys of self-reflection, who were like, we, who were like getting into spiritual stuff in different ways, whether that was taro or crystals, low key I have always loved crystals.

Parker

They're beautiful.

Lena Czura

Which I love about myself, like when I go home to my mom's house, I like, in my room, there's like this little tiny box, like this little wood box that like has a little flap that you like, flap it open and inside is a bunch of crystals that I just collected as a kid, which is like such a great, like, physical representation to me of like that I am a deeply spiritual being. There's just a lot of other ways, like what we were talking about with Sonya Renee Taylor, and like, the body is not an apology concept. Like there was a lot of other stuff that was crowding that, like deeply spiritual being placed that like when I start to prune it away, and I began that journey of pruning when I was in my mid 20s, I’m 30 Now, and,

Parker

30s are where it's at.

Lena Czura

30s are where it's at. Um, yeah, that, that my spirituality started to develop. So, I was firs,t I think I could pinpoint the start of my spiritual journey when I signed up for an online course slash community, um, that was called boundaries for badass femmes.

Parker

Oh my god, that was so juicy.

Lena Czura

It was so juicy. So, okay, so it's actually this is, this is so telling when I start to think about this. So, the first person that talked to me about codependence is like one of my super, super, super close friends that I like identify as like one of my compass people. Um, and then the person that told me about the like, badass, boundary like, boundaries for badass femmes is another person that is, I'm also in super, super, super close relationship with that's also one of my compass people. Then you were a person,

Parker

Hello.

Lena Czura

That talked to me about being able to be in like spiritual community of like, mutual aid, which is recovery. Um, and you're my other compass person. So, like the three of you that are my compass people,

Parker

like we're all pointing in the same direction.

Lena Czura

Like you all pointed in the same direction god damn it. That's why I never thought about that. I'm also like, these are my people. And I guess okay, I'll say this, like, as the aside of what I mean by compass people is along my spiritual journey, I so, I did these courses. I like started really getting into the concept that boundaries were important and the concept that like vulnerability is the key to building intimate relationships with ourselves and with the universe and with other people

Parker

The attitude y’all, there's like eye rolls.

Lena Czura

Like heavy neck throws in all directions, eye rolling, I don't under my, my like Gemini only child dissociative self would like to be like, Bitch what?

Parker

Bound- for who? For what?

Lena Czura

For who? For who? I would like to continue being like, radically charming and unaccountable. I would like to continue doing that, please. Um, hair flip. Cue the hair flip. I just hair flipped. Yeah, so along my journey I started getting into listening to and reading Brene Brown, who also Brene Brown as a contemporary anti-racist, white woman like holy shit.

Parker

so good.

Lena Czura

Love.

Parker

Yes.

Lena Czura

Just love. Like, also, her podcast is amazing.

Parker

I stole the rapid-fire questions.

Lena Czura

You did? That's right. And I like steal so many other things from her like when I was writing my blog, and I was like, I'm so fucking stuck.

Parker

Yeah.

Lena Czura

I'm in the first fucking time.

Parker

Yeah, fucking first time.

Lena Czura

FFT. I'm in an FFT, Brene Brown says I'm an FFT, and that's okay. Um, so yeah, so Brene has this, the concept, it says something somewhere and I don't know if she came up with it, or if she was sharing it on behalf of someone else but just like this notion of like, like, up everybody like people pleasing shit, like, low key like, actually, spoiler alert, like people's opinions of you don't matter. Like other people's opinions of you don't matter which is super important to my spirituality. Like, when I am really worried about what other people think about me, I'm in my head and I'm not in my embodied self, I'm not in my body, when I'm not in my body, I'm not connected to my spirit in my higher power. So anyhow, so Brene Brown, says this thing that's like, um like, nobody the fuck matters, their opinions of you don't fucking matter. Like, they're like, you like, I have a post-it note.

Parker

Yeah, It's because it's not that they don't matter.

Lena Czura

Oh, thanks. Thanks, thanks, thanks, thanks. I was on one.

Parker

Well, I just know the phrase because Brene Brown and I are in the same program.

Lena Czura

Yeah.

Parker

So, it's what other people think of me is none of my fucking business.

Lena Czura

Thank you.

Parker

Yeah.

Lena Czura

God bless.

Parker

Yeah.

Lena Czura

God bless that program. Um, so what other people think of me is none of my fucking business and like, actually, there is like, but a tiny post it note, with like, no more than like, four names that can fit on that post it note of people whose opinion of the decisions that I make actually matter to me, because like, that has weight in my life. And I think about that, I'm like, oh, those are like compass people, um, those are compass people. Those are my, so I'm like, who are my compass people? Well, they can't be my therapist, they can't be my mentor, and they can't be my sponsor, because that's a power dynamic that I'm not willing to get into.

Parker

Yeah.

Lena Czura

Um, that's not that's not a healthy move.

Parker

Especially not for people pleasers.

Lena Czura

Yeah, and my there, it's not my family, bbecause I have a, like a lot of, we all do have like super deep historic shape of like people pleasing with our families,

Parker

Yes.

Lena Czura

that can lead us into some really weird directions. And it matters to me for like, in like, my best friends are my best friends and people that I like, deeply confide in, and in, their like, their words and reflections fucking matter to me and also, I know that, like my compass people are people that are like, deeply walking the same path that I am.

Parker

Yes.

Lena Czura

Um, and yeah, so you all are that for me.

Parker

We're walking the same path.

Lena Czura

We're walking the same path of spirituality.

Parker

Yes.

Lena Czura

Um, so what was it? How was the? When the, when did my spiritual journey begin?

Parker

Yeah,

Lena Czura

I guess it was when I was. I think I was 24, 25.

Parker

Yeah.

Lena Czura

Um,

Parker

With a bunch of badasses.

Lena Czura

Yeah, yeah. First with that course and then I mean, first with the recognization that co-. Recognization? That was creative with the English language, I am getting creative with the English language.

Parker

Yes. it needs it

Lena Czura

Screw colonization recognization is a real word.

Parker

Yes.

Lena Czura

Yeah. Well with the reclamation that codependency is real and that, that's a big part of me and who I am. That I need boundaries in that I also need recovery.

Parker

Yes.

Lena Czura

Yeah.

Parker

So key. So how has your spirituality and kind of coming into that practice for you? How has that influenced your work, in sex work?

Lena Czura

In innumerable ways. Um, yeah, so it turns out that I need boundaries and it turns out that me as Lena really needs boundaries. Um, you know, I like to, I, and we've talked about this before, like, I go back and forth sometimes where I'm like, damn it, I wish I would have started sex work earlier in my life.

Parker

Yes.

Lena Czura

Like, if I could have started my earlier 20s as opposed to 27 like, oh, I could have fucking crushed it but the answer, like the embodied answer to that is bitch, fuck no.

Parker

We would have been a hot mess.

Lena Czura

Such hot messes! Are you kidding me? I would have been so wildly unaccountable.

Parker

Yeah.

Lena Czura

And I don't mean like unaccountable, like not showing up to shit. I mean, unaccountable to myself because I would have so deeply, deeply prioritized the opinions of the people that I am in work relationships with,

Parker

Yes.

Lena Czura

Over my own autonomy, over my own emotional well-being over my own mental health.

Parker

Yes.

Lena Czura

I would have completely erased myself, because I would be like, this man is giving me money,

Parker

And attention.

Lena Czura

And attention and validation and gifts and therefore I'm indebted to him with my entire sense of being.

Parker

Yes.

Lena Czura

And like.

Parker

And like, I just want to say it is not, not all people in their 20s at this point, are that way and I just want like, for the listeners, I just want to say like how much I respect this, like, Gen-Z, accountability to self and like reclaiming of self and really just, like, leaning in on that and taking no shit.

Lena Czura

I have, I have a couple of really good friends in this work who are in their younger 20s, and they are on a completely, in a completely different place than I was when I was that age. I am, like, so inspired and so heartened, where I'm like, holy shit, you're like, you're how old and you have, you're like working with a therapist on what, like, that's amazing. That I didn't, I didn't for me personally, in my own journey, where I was, I did not have that recognition in my life. And, and I also, one of my compass, peeps was like, it was just like, hey, like, I hear you speak about yourself often, like in that time, like with a lot of, like, with like, a lot of absolutes and harshness. And, like, I want to remind you that like, I knew you then like, and I loved you then, because you were like a genuinely lovable person. Like, all of the magic about me, that in the magic that I bring into my brand, was all there like, I love hard, I'm genuine, like I'm so genuine and curious with people that I meet. I love like, it's easy for me to make literally anybody or anything like comfortable, like I will be-, I will befriend a rock, I will befriend an inanimate object,

Parker

There are many crystals here.

Lena Czura

There are many crystals, and we are friends. Like, I like, I, I that's a gift that I have and it allows me to do this work really well. Like that has been a constant and I'm so fucking grateful that I am able to have some of the tools that I have now from being in therapy, from being on a spiritual journey, from being in a practice of somatics, and being being a somatic practitioner, and mentorship. Um that I can, I'll get there. That I can allow my magic to come through with potence and with a really clear framework, like a really clear healthy framework. Yeah, and like and I mean dude I could keep going but shit.

Parker

Because that's the, I mean that's the thing is like what I've learned about myself because I have a similar story of like my 20s, I had no concept of boundaries, or, and my sense of self was tied up in other people and the boundaries are for me. It's really easy to get it twisted and think that the boundaries are for other people.

Lena Czura

Thanks for saying that.

Parker

Yeah, but it's, it the boundaries are for me so that I, I have a structure in which I can operate that is in my, and that is rooted in my integrity, and I see you doing that. This is why we're each other's compass people is like I see you doing that work, and that inspires me to do my own because I see what the fruit that comes from that.

Lena Czura

And I wholeheartedly, I wholeheartedly believe that it has made for really beautiful genuine relation, the client, the clients that I'm in relationship with are really like fucking great people and we have really great relationships because of it. And we, we learn from each other and teach each other things like because our, our boundaries and our containers are much more salient, and I am just fucking grateful. Doesn't, there's like, there's awkward moments, there's hard moments, there's been moments of really deep decision making but like, overall, it allows me to like, step back from this work and look and be like, I'm fucking happy.

Parker

But that's how you build those containers.

Lena Czura

100 percent.

Parker

It's like, our boundaries are not set in stone. I used to like to think of them not as walls but as like, what did I use? It was a like a shrubbery a wall of shrubbery. Right? Where it's, it's alive and it shifts it grows it breeds.

Lena Czura

Oh, it's so good.

Parker

And so, our boundaries are, we are allowed to change them and shift them and revise them at any point in time. Like we can pull that shrub out and put it over there and that's, that's the new boundary and I think that that's what creates better relationships, period. But on a sex work tip like with our clients, we have to clearly communicate where these things are and what our, our thoughts around them are and it creates these incredible relationships with clients and, and some of the ones that can't hack it and like don't like when you put up boundaries will just leave. Yeah, deuces, like.

Lena Czura

Yeah.

Parker

Get gone.

Lena Czura

See ya. Yeah, I'm emphatically nodding. I'm like,

Parker

entire body,

Lena Czura

I'm nodding from like, my, like, from my waist. I'm actually just rocking in agreement.

Parker

I love it so much. It's so good. So, first of all, we're gonna go back to the somatics moment. Please explain what is somatics? And how does that fit into your healing practice?

Lena Czura

Yeah. First of all, the hardest thing to, the hardest thing to explain is what is somatics? And I, I, please if like for other folks who are somatic workers out there, somatic practitioners that there's a, there's a number of sex workers who are also somatic practitioners, and I want to be friends with you.

Parker

Join us.

Lena Czura

Join us. I go I just because I've seen it, I've seen it on like a couple websites, I've seen it like mentioned on social media, a couple places, and I'm like, ooh, mental note reach out. Okay, so all of that to say, help me too, because you also have an, have an understanding and practice with somatics.

Parker

Yes.

Lena Czura

um so somatics is come, is based in the understanding that our bodies are a container for all of the, like joy and expression of life. All of the resilience that are, that is built into our anatomic system as humans and that our system as like, in our, in our anatomic body, also is really sophisticated in storing stress, trauma, PTSD, that we have experienced both in our lifetimes, and what we have inherited in our DNA from our relatives living before us. And so with that basis, and understanding somatics is the embodied practice to align our like nervous system and our bodies to be harnessed in the resilience and the joy and to actually metabolize the stress and the trauma and the PTSD that we have in that we have stored in us and it takes shape in in a number of different ways. It can be very hands on bodywork, like working with, like, stress points in the body, acupressure points in the body just to like work through and release where we have stored stress or trauma and it can also be a series of breath work. When we do breath work mixed with body movements, that really starts to fire our nervous system, we have the opportunity to get in there and actually like realign and tinker how we want our nervous system to serve us to be enjoying resilience. And it also takes place in exercises that we can do with partners or in community where we're actually doing almost like hands on work that's like, when I say hands on work, what I mean by that is like poses, practices, movements, practices that allow us to yeah, metabolize our stress and trauma. in a way without words like we we're used to, we're most familiar with the therapeutic practice of working with another person in like talk therapy, like, let's talk through this issue. They're the part of somatics that allows us to work with another person that's like, we can do a practice where we're standing across the room and we set a context for what we are feeling into and as we move closer together, we're just in a deep sense of like, what's going on in my body right now. Where am I tensing? Where am I losing feeling? Where am I like, wanting to move from? Is my chest really forward? Is my back really open? Am I really shrunk down and all of that is bio data for us to be like, oh, shit, that's because when I'm in conflict, and I'm moving towards someone in this space in time, I shrink down, or I go away, or I puff out my chest, because I'm ready to fucking fight and I recognize that that comes from a deeper place of X, Y, Z. I did that at school, when someone tried to bully me or I did that in my home, when my siblings were fighting, and I was trying to be the one to mitigate. Like, that's where we can get more bio data that, that we can otherwise access without necessarily using words.

Parker

I love that. That was a that was a really cohesive description of what somatics is, well done.

Lena Czura

Oooh, do you have anything to add about somatics?

Parker

I just love that you use the word metabolize because metabolize is something the body does. So it was like a really great,

Lena Czura

Oh, I’m glad.

Parker

Word to choose for, like metabolizing the feelings and the, the processes that show up when we're when we're in those things.

Lena Czura

100 percent.Yeah, and that they're in there, they're exactly that they’re processes. Like we, we are, we like, our body is so beautifully sophisticated that like, we have so many processes that we are not even cognitively aware that we do, but that we do in order to maintain our like resilience as humans and our ability to still be here and moving around in loving and in relationship, whatever and the body has so much.

Parker

I think one of the things too, like talk therapy is great, but the mind like I can know cigarettes are bad for me. Does it mean that I actually quit? Sometimes. As someone who struggles with that, like it's, I can know things but like the actual practice of like, embodying a new way of being is, is entirely different. So, talk therapy can get us to a point where we might be ready to take a step, but like the practice of somatics is really embodying that, that shift and, and like tapping into the things around that patterned behavior.

Lena Czura

100 percent. Yeah. And, and I, for me, how it shows up in my life is like, I work with my somatics coach who's like my practitioner mentor and I work with my therapist and like in, like we in, and like those two things, like happen exclusively in their own spaces but the information tends to feed one another and like with each of them, I can go deeper because I'm going deep in both of these spheres.

Parker

Love that. Oh, that's so great. As and as an air sign, we need the like, mental piece as well.

Lena Czura

We need all the mental pieces.

Parker

We need all the mental pieces. So how has your spirituality influenced your work as a sex worker? Like in, with clients? Has that been a piece of it for you as well?

Lena Czura

Oh, yeah.

Parker

Not just boundary setting, but like in like, say in a session?

Lena Czura

Oh, interesting, interesting. You are on a journey of BDSM and kink exploration, and I like it. I like it. Um, because it is allowing me, you're like, we already talked about boundaries. I'm like, no, everything else is fine.

Parker

I'm like, let's go deeper. Yeah.

Lena Czura

That, I guess I know, I know, I know, like, so you're right. It does. Um, I'm so glad that you asked this because now I'm like, thinking in all these different ways.

Parker

This is why I preface that I will ask questions that are not on my questions list.

Lena Czura

Why would you do that to me .

Parker

I'm just a smidge evil.

Lena Czura

I'm trying to maintain any semblance of control that I could have in this situation. My illusion of control was really active just now.

Parker

Newsflash, we're not in control.

Lena Czura

Newsflash, the illusion of control is in fact an illusion. I use a lot of my, the tools that I've developed in my spiritual path I use a lot in my work. I particularly find that when I am meeting some, meeting someone new, I am very much, I, it's really easy for me to be up in my head and to completely like cut off sensation with my body and I am so clued into this new person where I am like, and I can feel and I can now feel it in my body where I'm like, I'm leaning in, my chest is open, my neck is open. Like, I am just like, I am surveying this whole person, like, up and down and I am just like, so fucking, I just open to this person.

Parker

I just got like, the mental image of like a dog rolling over

Lena Czura

100%.

Parker

and exposing the really vulnerable places and also looking for cues of anything,

Lena Czura

Yeah, of literally anything. And, and it's not for me in my work, it's not about changing that. It's about recognizing that this is, this is a place, I have a choice,I can choose to be in this space. Or I can, I can choose to titrate, I can choose to be like more composed, I can choose to feel my width of my body, and feel where my body is in the space and time. Like, where my skin touches the rest of the air and like actually understand that like, oh, this is my container. Like I don't, I don't, I don't have to completely just like, envelop myself in this person. Like, or I can be really excited and be like, wow, okay, I'm going to envelop for a couple minutes and like, and I'm gonna come back. Um, and I really like this. It's been

Parker

Oooh the gift of choice.

Lena Czura

The gift of choice and the gift of titrating. Um, is like in the gift of recognizing that all like, whatever, whatever that's like, wait, okay, I have the opportunity to go into a lot of different places here. My, my Gemini air sign brain is like roadmap to a lot of things to talk about.

Parker

I struggle with that so much,

Lena Czura

Oh, gosh, oh, it's so good. It is so good. Um, let me bring it back to the gift of titrating, the gift of choosing and recognizing that just because something is my default, doesn't mean it has to be in the driver's seat all the time.

Parker

Oh, my God, can you just say that one more time.

Lena Czura

Stop. Just because a way of being in the world is my default, doesn't mean it has to be, that way of being, does not have to be in the driver's seat all the time. I can, I have choices and I can choose to engage in this way. I can choose to engage in another way and like and I can choose at any given moment, and that changes throughout a date that I have and for particularly for me, when I have a lot of longer engagements, travel engagements, where I'm just like, on the plane, get down, boom, meet the person and it's just like, we're here for 24 hours, we're here for 48 hours, we're here for three days and,

Parker

In it, yeah.

Lena Czura

In it. And like I step into in it mode. And I, I am so fucking grateful for the skills that I have now to be like, first I can breathe, and I can be in my body. Like, I can be in my body, and I have the gift to be able to say like, to the people that I love spending time with, in my workspace, my clients like, hey, I'm gonna like take a moment. Or like, like, when someone says like, what do you, you know, like, what do you want to do right now? And it's like, whatever you want to do. That's like, whatever you want to do that's fine. It's just like. You know what? I don't really know right now. Like, what are our options? Yeah, I let me like, let me let me feel into those for a second. Um, and I know for me, one of my super defaults is smiling when I'm uncomfortable.

Parker

Oh my god yes.

Lena Czura

Like, I do that, when I'm uncomfortable I have gone through entire breakups with smiles, like smiling.

Parker

Oh yeah.

Lena Czura

Smiling on my face. Um, because it's just like this super, it's in it's like, such like a deep fem-conditioned thing where it's just like, uncomfortable, but I can still look really approachable and nice and like super non-confrontational. Um,

Parker

Yep, oh my god, that's too relatable.

Lena Czura

Oh, it's really, so sorry. I'm not sorry, but like, I know, I just saw your elbows go on the table, your hands over your eyes like fuck. Yeah, and so recognizing that like, um when I'm in workspaces and that comes up where I'm like, I'm smiling like, it's like my back goes rigid. My shoulders. What do my shoulders see my shoulder? What are my shoulders? They're like, really? I think my back goes up my shoulders go rigid, and I'm just like, I feel right now in this when I'm putting on this posture, I feel like a two-dimensional character. I feel super two-dimensional right now I don't feel my back body, I just feel like this tiny plane of like my shoulder, and like my neck in this like, portrait thing and I'm like, ah, and when I feel myself do that, and it happens a lot outside of work, and it happens sometimes in work. When I do that, I can just like have a moment of compassion for myself of like, ooh, something made me uncomfortable. What was it? Were we talking about politics, and this person just said something that I really don't agree with? Like, was this person like saying something really underhanded about one of my colleagues? Like, what? And I can just like, take a moment be like, something made me uncomfortable and like, okay, relax, the shoulders relax, the whatever. I can choose to just be like, okay, like, how do I like want to respond to this discomfort? Do I want to just like, relax and keep it? Do I want to like, say something like, sassy back? Do I want to like redirect? Do I want to offer like a compassionate, like, reframe to this person? Or do I want to do none of those things and just relax and let it keep going?

Parker

Absolutely.

Lena Czura

As opposed to, like, if I'm not using the tools that I have, from my, like, spiritual work and my somatics work, as opposed to just like continuing to be in this space, and then be rigid for the next fucking four hours and wonder why I feel so fucking drained afterwards.

Parker

Yeah, oh, yeah. The drain.

Lena Czura

The drain. Yeah, it's so draining, it's so, and I was so used to being in a space of being drained like that, like, prior to the times when I was not on a journey of self. That I just thought that was status quo and turns out it's not.

Parker

It's not and that's, I think that's the, the gift of doing the work around like somatics and learning yourself is that you, you can identify those things and as soon as you identify them, that's when you have choice, the choice becuase you learn the tools, you learn the ability to be like, oh, I don't have to engage in this way.

Lena Czura

Yeah. 100 percent, 100 percent.

Parker

So, one of the things that I know that you have spent a lot of time and invested yourself in is Reiki work. So, I wanted to give you an opportunity first to shout out the incredible Reiki program that you've been through a few times now, on different levels and then also talk about that piece of your spiritual work.

Lena Czura

Wow. So, spirituality and work is, Reiki is a big part of energy work, I think we would we say like we in like the Western world say Reiki is energy work because that's our frame of understanding what energy work is, and I am, I have a certificate for Reiki one and two. So, energy work, initiate with hoes are healers heaven on earth hoes are healers. So, my Reiki Master is Amira. She's a fucking badass and hoes are healers is a really, I think is a really amazing platform for mental spiritual, emotional mutual aid. We’re all survivors, whether we're working or not working and what our relationship is to the work like it's such a fucking incredible accessible space and so shout out, shout out to hoes our healer and,

Parker

And shout out to Amira as one of the CO founding members of ANSWER.

Lena Czura

Yeah.

Parker

ANSWER Detroit.

Lena Czura

Yeah, hell yeah. Um, so yeah, so it's interesting for me now as an energy worker, and as a somatic practitioner, in process. I don't do any, like energy work sessions as an energy worker. I don't do any somatic work as a somatic practitioner outside of like in my personal life or outside of my lane of life because I very much feel like my energy work in my, in my somatics practicioning comes into play all the time. All the time. Like that's, that is where my energy work magic shows up, like for me as Lena, when I am meeting someone that I, for the first time meet someone that I don't know. I really like I do best when I just like, come in, blank slate, and just like drop in and I'm ready to just like, vibe with this person. And it's so it's such an intuitive practice for me, it's not something that I ever understood as a as a practice. I think we all do it, whether we're, like cognizant of it, whether we're getting paid to do it as emotional, spiritual, mental labor, yeah, labor, or whether we are getting compensated to do it. So, my process is, I have an assistant, my assistant takes care of all of my screening, all my booking, runs my email. I will, I'll keep kind of like, I'll keep an eye here and there but I trust her to the moon and back to like, have my fucking back and making sure that like, whoever I meet is like, the like, is, is the coolest of the cool and that, you know, like, I'm safe, we're safe. And we're both in like, in like, a very in like, yeah, we're just coming together in a very mutual mutually safe space. So, I don't do any vetting on the front end. I think some people when I've talked to other colleagues in the work, they're like, yo, I really like checking emails, vetting, and like, that's how I vibe, check the person and I'm like, oh, I vibe check person, I rarely even check, I rarely even check. Like, sometimes I'll check like, the physical description stuff. I'm like, okay, I have to make sure I'm like meeting the right person, but like, I don't even, I don't even want to read too much into a person before I meet them becuase that all of that information that I take, I just start making assumptions and getting in my head and then I just start like, ascertaining how I think this date is going to go or what I think they want to talk about, and then I just start strategizing way too much and it's not fun. It's not organic, in my like, genuine kind of like, genuine loving Lena magic, like doesn't come out. I'm just like, too busy trying to strategize this, like super curated experience, where I'm like, what the fuck is like, I'm confused, you're confused, we're all confused.

Parker

Yeah, um I never thought about it that way because I do my own email and vetting and like all of that, and I do appreciate being able to like, correspond directly and if they're rude via email, I'm like,

Lena Czura

You know.

Parker

Yeah, you just know. But I do, I have gone in with, like, plenty of assumptions of my own and like, I'm always pleasantly surprised to be wrong.

Lena Czura

See, I see, I love that you have the capacity to pleasantly be surprised and wrong. Like, I think it made me this my Aries rising, where I'm just like, like, I go in, and I'm like, bitch, we're going in and it's going like this. I just threw my arm out, like, all the way across like a high-speed train because, um, because that's just I that's, I don't know, that's my MO. So, I have found that that really works for me because then I come in, and I am just like, who are you? Like, I am, like, I'm like, a little curious cat nd I love asking the questions. I love getting the vibe and I'm able to build a more organic relationship with each and every one of my clients because each and every one of our relationships, dynamics, dynamics are slightly different. Um, and I think that's really beautiful and that's, that's because I have, like, I do so much spiritual work outside of this space to like, to tend to my container. That I can like, show up as my full self and be like, llright, I'm ready. like, I'm ready to, like, meet this person. And, and I generally know, like, if they, if they're trying to book a date with me or book a trip with me, they usually find me on social media. So, they usually have a good sense of my brand. It's not like a one-off thing. So, I'm more just like, huh, like, what do you what do you see in me that you vibe with? Like, I'm so curious. Um, and it just makes for a way more pleasant and real experience like that's, in that like, that's my fucking energy work right now.

Parker

Yeah. I love that.

Lena Czura

Yeah which is like definitely a huge part of my spiritual work as well.

Parker

Yeah. I also really love that you identify, like, every relationship is different. There's not like a formula. I think that for a long time, I was looking for a formula not only in work, but just in life in general. Like I wanted a formula to operate my day by so that every day would be great and I've the relationship pieces just like, I'm reminded of relationship anarchy, which is the baseline concept is that every relationship is its own animal.

Lena Czura

Oh my god. You know? Um, so I've been thinking about this a lot, outside of. Tangent.

Parker

We're going on a tangent now.

Lena Czura

[Accent] We're going on a tangent now. So, I don't know what accent that was.

Parker

No one is surprised.

Lena Czura

No one is surprised, no one knows what accent that was. Um, so I feel like my, my orientation to relationships have changed in the course of my Lena work as I've been Lena now for three years, on the nose this month, and I have relationships that have been my relationships in my Lena work that I've been going for three years, I've been going for two years that I've been going for, like long as fucking I mean, to me that's like a long time.

Parker

Yeah, same.

Lena Czura

I don't know about y'all but like god damn.

Parker

That's a long time,

Lena Czura

Just like this is just like a whole nother little alternate portal of commitment. But here we are and like, you know, commitment of the framework, whatever, anyhow. So, I, before I was Lena I was really oriented towards polyamory in my personal life, and I, I did a lot of poly dating. I did a lot of having, like multiple lovers, multiple partners, having primary partners, having play partners in the kink community that were like, mutually invested relationships, some were romantic, some were, platonic. I mean dating people of different genders all at one time, like this whole fucking thing. Right? Now, none of that, uh kink plays still sounds like fun. I haven't done any kink play in my personal life and I don't even know how long, years it's been years. But honestly, polyamory doesn't feel it doesn't feel appetizing to me in my personal life, and it doesn't, it doesn't feel like it fills me right now. Like, I desire a monogamous relationship in my personal life, I think in part because I'm still doing a lot of relationship work with really tight frameworks, which is another iteration of polyamory. Um, well, wait, what? How do I I'm using the word iteration again.

Parker

Rendition? Are we coming back to that?

Lena Czura

Rendition! [Vibrato voice] jazz hands.

Parker

Jazz hands.

Lena Czura

Vibrato voice. Um, do I think I just made a statement that I'm trying to figure out if I agree with it. Relationships in sex work being like polyamory? I think right now, my, my brain and my body and my spirit and my emotional state feels very much like, ooh, I'm, I'm a container for a lot of real genuine connection.

Parker

Totally.

Lena Czura

Um, and so in my personal life, like, I'm, I like, I really thought I was a relationship anarchist but in my personal life, right now, I'm like, I want my one person. I want that to be like, my primary emotional person. First of all, first and foremost, my primary partner is always myself.

Parker

Right.

Lena Czura

It's always me.

Parker

Yes.

Lena Czura

So, I'm my primary partner, hey.

Parker

Can we get an amen.

Lena Czura

Hey self, so we look really good I'm so happy that you're my primary partner. And I don't have the capacity, I don't have the capacity to date more people in my personal life. My, my baseline for maintaining a work relationship is like when I leave an engagement, I was talking about this with one of our colleagues and we've talked about this before. Like when I leave an engagement, do I feel like net energy, like, positive, or do I feel net energy drained? And if the answer is drained, like, bitch, no, thank you. No, thank, the and, and there, that is an immense privilege to be able to say that in in our field.

Parker

Absolutely.

Lena Czura

Like there's a lot of and there's been other times when I have not been able to make those same decisions when I'm like, oh, this person is really, like really drains me whether they talk too much, or they have like different expectations, than I do whatever. But I haven't been able to make those same decisions. It's just like, oh, but I really need that money and I am marveling, and I hold really sacredly and dearly that like, I have the opportunity to make this decision right now in my life. So, I'm not going to take this for granted and I'm going to figure out how like, not I'm not going to figure it out but I'm going to be a part of building a community for like more of us to make this decision for long periods of time.

Parker

Yes.

Lena Czura

Yeah,

Parker

Absolutely.

Lena Czura

Yeah.

Parker

I also think on the relationship tip that you can still be a relationship anarchist and be like in this line of work and wanting a monogamous partner. I don't think that's mutually exclusive.

Lena Czura

Wait really?

Parker

I could be wrong, but like we are cultivating multiple relationships, whether they're work related or not, but for us in our personal life to desire the stability of a monogamous partner. I don't know, relationship anarchy folks, correct me if I'm wrong or like, come argue with me on Twitter, I'm here for it. Like, I, I just don't see those as mutually exclusive because we are carrying out multiple relationships at once some of them just start transactional in some form. So, I just, I was like, oh, I want to push back on that a little bit.

Lena Czura

Yeah push back one me, push back on me.

Parker

Yeah, cause I too am like, I just don't have the energy for like polyamory in my personal life, which is funny, because that's also where I'm like leaning right now, as I say that out loud. I'm like, oh, no, wait, you definitely do. Um, it's just not, it's not how I pictured it, which is always like, you should never try to picture it because it's never the way that you think, the expectations versus reality is always very different. But

Lena Czura

Wow, thanks for this lesson.

Parker

Well, I mean, I don't know if it's a lesson but it's definitely conversation point.

Lena Czura

Well, it's like it's the yeah, it was like yeah, thanks for thanks for offering that because I feel like this is like the, the juicy bits that we get to grapple with.

Parker

Yeah, and I think I mean, like, not everything is so black and white, and I so I'm like, if I identify as a relationship anarchist,

Lena Czura

Stop Libra. Stop right now.

Parker

Hello. I'm just being very diplomatic over here, it's my tendency. Should we dive into our rapid-fire questions? Do you feel complete on this topic?

Lena Czura

I am ready for the rapid-fires.

Parker

Fantastic. Okay, okay. Pancakes or waffles?

Lena Czura

Waffles gluten free.

Parker

Salty or sweet

Lena Czura

Meow. That was such a genuine Meow.

Parker

The look of panic.

Lena Czura

My eyes were closed, and I was so serene and then it's like ahhh. Sweet.

Parker

Excellent. kayaking or canoeing?

Lena Czura

Bitch.

Parker

I know.

Lena Czura

We just went kayaking, and I just had a lovely time.

Parker

Me too. It was so good.

Lena Czura

It was so good. PS and by the way the canals of Detroit, not to say the river in Detroit, but y'all we got canals. The canals of Detroit are where it's at.

Parker

It's like a little New Orleans moment in Detroit.

Lena Czura

Oh, I'm so here for it.

Parker

It's really beautiful.

Lena Czura

I’m so here for it god bless. kayaking.

Parker

Great. What is your favorite place you've ever been?

Lena Czura

I knew you were going to ask this question and I'm still thinking. Okay, I have, oh fuck I have three, three. 1 Tenerife Island, the Canary Islands. I went there once, and it was just so fucking magical. Yeah, I went there with an ex-partner when I was, I think part of it is that I was there when I was like, very young and in love. So, it's just like this, like sexy romantic

Parker

So, you weren't exes at the time?

Lena Czura

No, no, no, that would be that would be, I mean, you know, like no,

Parker

I've done that. So, I just needed to clarify.

Lena Czura

No, no, we were, we were very much together and very much like in our in our stride. Tenerife Island was gorgeous Canary Islands gorgeous. Um, I mean, okay, the two other continents that I have a lot of love for and have lived on is, well I'll say the places, South of France baby. Yay. I am a huge Massy. I, fucking Massy is one of my favorite cities in the world. It can, like French people have a lot of shit to say about Massy because it's just like full of a lot of race and class diversity and like ethnic diversity that, like I mean that's my take on it, it's just like, it's just and, and it's just so beautiful to be on the water and like the limestone cliffs that are out there it's just like these gorgeous fucking cliffs and then it's just the blue like the [French word] like the fucking blue ass water right below and it's just dreamy, so dreamy. Um yeah, and I I will forever and always love Dakar. Dakar Senegal, it's just it's just a place that I will always go back to I, yeah, it's I just I love, I love Senegalese peeps, the food, I love the culture, I just missed the colors. Like I'm like when I like close my eyes, I just like can it's just like the chaos in the colors of just like a vibrant fucking city of vibrant food and people and culture and music and yeah, and, and riding around on little cartapeas which apparently, they like are slowly phasing out in Dakar. The cartapeas are these, are like these really old, like super old school, like kinda like vans that have been like, painted meticulously gorgeous. I'm sure you can picture it.

Parker

Yes,

Lena Czura

This is yeah and so was like all that, like all the windows, like all the like actual windowpanes are taken out and they're just like yellow, white stripe blue but then they're just like put like painted all these like gorgeous like super intricate and intricate colors and the front of the cars have eyes and all of them they're going in all directions and you just kind of have fun and it's a whole system and,

Parker

We need more of that here.

Lena Czura

We need, yeah, we need, we need a little bit more of like informal transportation.

Parker

Yeah, and art and on the mundane shit in our lives.

Lena Czura

Yeah, and art on the mundane shit in our lives. I love a good chaotic city. Like I love I love a busy ass market, I love a busy ass open air market all day.

Parker

Let's go.

Lena Czura

Oh, when's the next flight?

Parker

Okay, a book from your mandatory reading list.

Lena Czura

Bell Hooks.

Parker

Any particular?

Lena Czura

All About Love.

Parker

All About Love. It's a good one.

Lena Czura

Bell Hooks All About Love.

Parker

It's a really good one.

Lena Czura

I ,I'll also throw in there Pleasure Activism.

Parker

Uh huh.

Lena Czura

Pleasure Activism

Parker

Yes. Adrian Brown

Lena Czura

Brown AMB Yeah, I the more that we are in our embodied yes, the more it becomes impossible for us to put up with the things that are noes in our life and that goes for ourselves internally, inter-relationally, and on a societal level. Oh, yeah.

Parker

Yeah, and it starts with us knowing our yeses.

Lena Czura

Yes. Yeah, also I gave away my Bell Hooks copy, my All About Love copy to somebody in our ANSWER crew.

Parker

Hey, if you got it out there.

Lena Czura

If you got it out there, if I just can have it back it has some really good notes in there. Like, I like highlighted the fuck out. Like, like, oh my god.

Parker

Oh, yeah. Um, same same.

Lena Czura

If I had it ,I would go and like fucking quote the shit out of it.

Parker

There will be a link in the show notes so they can purchase.

Lena Czura

God bless.

Parker

Yeah, everything we talked about will be linked in the show notes.

Lena Czura

Yeah. Oh, we just dropped some great books in this podcast.

Parker

This is gonna be, the show notes are very important.

Lena Czura

You're welcome, literally to everyone.

Parker

Okay, a, oh, I'm excited for this one. A song, an album, or a musical artist you've been obsessed with lately?

Lena Czura

Mi Novio. Mira, yo, yeah, I'm wearing my shirt.

Parker

She's literally wearing a Bad Bunny shirt

Lena Czura

I love Bad Bunny. I fucking love Bad Bunny. I love Bad Bunny.

Parker

Can you say that one more time?

Lena Czura

I love Bad Bunny I felt, I've, I felt a kindredness. I don't know if he's still dating this girl that's a redhead. She was like a redhead, so real sweet looking, real like low key, down to earth, like natural doing her whole thing.

Parker

Did you put yourself there?

Lena Czura

I was like I was like I feel seen. I'm so glad that there is a Puerto Rican fucking bad ass redhead out there loving on Bad Bunny. Um, yeah, I've, I've been, I've been a Bad Bunny, soy pejor is like one of his first songs. I was losing it when that song came out but then when he like, has been on his tip as like mad LGBTQ activist in the midst of like machismo Latinx culture, I in, when oh my god, I was just like, oh, if we weren't yeah, like I was already I was already obsessed. I had already flown to San Juan for Bad Bunny's homecoming concert, that's what this shirt is from yeah, um, which was one of the greatest nights of my life. But after when, after that, when he started to really show the fuck out, he'd already done some stuff around like domestic violence and stuff like that, condemning it. And now I'm just like, you have forever a place in my heart. Benito you have forever place in my heart. Yeah.

Parker

So that's not even lately that's just forever.

Lena Czura

This is a forever, forever obsession, my new, my new obsession is Ashnikko.

Parker

Oh, absolutely.

Lena Czura

I just, I, yeah, so if we have like, Ashnikko I know that the slumber party song is still gonna be hot by the time that this drops.

Parker

Also, like Ashnikko and Bad Bunny if you ever want to do something together, we would not argue with that.

Lena Czura

I wouldn't argue with that at all. I want Bad Bunny Snow tha Product,

Parker

Oh yeah,.

Lena Czura

Snow Tha Product is another oh my god I have such. Snow Tha Product is engaged. I support her 110. Percent. Her fiance's fucking hot both y'all I just like.

Parker

Get it.

Lena Czura

I have so many moments watching their IG lives of just like watching them be two gorgeous bitch ass femmes just being so fucking hot together and like.

Parker

We love to see it.

Lena Czura

Oh my god, we love to see it. Um Bad Bunny, Snow Tha Product, and Ashnikko.

Parker

Do a thing. Let's do it.

Lena Czura

I will die a thousand deaths.

Parker

I know you would. All right, what is your secret talent? Or a secret talent if you have multiple?

Lena Czura

My ability to meow to any song.

Parker

That's not a secret

Lena Czura

Oh, people know that? People know that?

Parker

I mean, maybe they don't. I do.

Lena Czura

Ohhh shut up.

Parker

That can count, we can count that.

Lena Czura

Um Do people know that I'm left-handed? Is that a secret talent?

Parker

That could be a secret talent.

Lena Czura

I have really good. I have um, I have super-fast reflexes.

Parker

There we go.

Lena Czura

I've super, super-fast like when, whenever like, whenever people drop things or fall off, I'm like, I'm like, I just catch it. Yeah, I think it's, I think it's because I was, also think grew up doing martial arts and so from a really young age, I just was always training like hand foot talent.

Parker

That's a secret talent.

Lena Czura

Oh, that? I'm a black belt, yeah. No, yeah, I grew up doing martial arts This is so not rapid-fire.

Parker

I, I've learned and my listeners will, will agree that I am the one that is terrible at rapid-fire questions.

Lena Czura

I'm here for it. It's just a reframe.

Parker

Yeah.

Lena Czura

No terrible, just a reframe.

Parker

Yeah. They're rapid-ish fire?

Lena Czura

I um. Yeah, yeah. I also started recently getting back in, not back into, but I have started dabbling in MMA mixed martial arts. It is fucking, it is a fucking blast. It kicks my ass.

Parker

I believe it.

Lena Czura

It kicks my ass but it's so much fun. It's so much fun. Yeah, yeah, I'm, I'm whip fast bitches.

Parker

Don't fuck with Lena Czura. Finish this sentence, good sex is.

Lena Czura

Good sex is connected, spiritual, and vulnerable, and is a power exchange. Vulnerable ass power exchange.

Parker

Yep. I love that, super agree with that. If you had one superpower, what would it be?

Lena Czura

To speak any language in the world.

Parker

Yes.

Lena Czura

Which is like, I know, I go back and forth but I think, I think it would be like a like a Rosetta Stone deal. If I could just speak any language any in the world at any given time. I would I have so much fun. Yeah, I would save so much time and money on, my all of the time that I put into language learning right now.

Parker

Yes.

Lena Czura

Yeah.

Parker

Oh, that's so good, such a fun one. What is something simple that brings you joy? I love this question.

Lena Czura

Lighting my candles at night when I go to bed. Like before I go to bed I, in this is like, I try and do like some wind down time. Um, so I try and be off my phone and like away from all fluorescent LED bullshit. Like a good,

Parker

Fuck that shit.

Lena Czura

Fuck that shit. Like a, like a good like hour, if not more. When I go to bed and I just, I love being in my apartment with my, I love this apartment.

Parker

So cute.

Lena Czura

It's so cute. I love having my tall ass ceilings and all of my candles lit and all the light is bouncing everywhere and I'm like, this is like, this like this, like Gothic church moment reclaimed.

Parker

Yes.

Lena Czura

Yeah, and I just I just feel like transported.

Parker

That's so beautiful, I love that. That brings us to the end.

Lena Czura

Oh, my God, I don't see any more questions.

Parker

No more questions.

Lena Czura

We did it.

Parker

We did it. So, thank you. Thank you so much for joining me and we've been talking about doing this episode for a long time. So, I'm really glad you're

Lena Czura

You've been talking about doing this podcast for a long time and then we've been talking about doing this episode (ssss).

Parker

It's definitely plural.

Lena Czura

For a long time. Thank you.

Parker

Thank you. I love you so much.

Lena Czura

I love you so much.

Parker

Bye listeners We love you too.

Lena Czura

We love you too.

Parker

There it is that is the end. Oh, my goodness. I had so much fun. I had so much fun. I mean, I hope you can tell. I had so much fun with this interview and I am astounded at how terrible I am at the rapid-fire questions. I mean, let's, I fire them rapidly. Sure. I'll give myself that but I just, I just get curious. I'm not ashamed of that. No one should be ashamed of being curious. It's a wonderful quality. Thank you so much for listening. I'm so grateful that I was able to share this conversation with you all. I've seen Lena grow and she has witnessed my growth and like, we just, we're out here, we're doing it, and I'm just, I'm really proud of this episode. So, thank you all for listening. You can support the podcast at patreon.com/sexy Galaxy pod if you're feeling like sending little funds our way, 50% of the proceeds go to support the work of a network of sex workers to excite revolution or ANSWER Detroit and you can visit ANSWER Detroit at ANSWERr detroit.org I just, I want to thank Lena for coming on the show and all the guests thus far. This is our six month mark. So, I am I'm just like blown away at the support that this podcast has received and the, the incredible people I've been privileged enough to interview and there's gonna be more and, I, I'm tearing up over here a little bit because this is a project that means a lot to me and I was so scared. So scared to start it, and now I've had, what this is the 15th episode and, and we've been able to talk about so many really important topics, and there's only more and more people for you to get to know and for me to get to know and I'm just, I'm just so excited. So, thank you all for listening. It means that I get to continue to do this podcast, knowing that it's being received and appreciated, and I see you out there, and I just want to say thank you. I guess I don't see you that'd be weird. I feel your presence in my heart that's a little less creepy. I think, I hope. Oh, space facts. I'm running out of these, y'all. I gotta, I gotta do a little homework, I think. Um, there are many species of alien that have incredible sense of smell. So, if you need to hide from them for whatever reason, it's important to always keep a vial of glitter, because glitter can hide your human scent from their olfactory systems. Just pro tip, but then you look great as well. Happy pride. Nanu Nanu motherfuckers.