Master Joshua

Parker

Welcome to a sex workers Guide to the Galaxy. I'm your host, Parker Westwood. I'm really excited about today's episode; it's actually going to be two episodes because this interview was incredibly lengthy, in a wonderful way, and I didn't want to cut so much of the really good, vulnerable material. Today, we get to dive into my interview with Master Joshua based out of New York. This was an interview in the first batch that I did, and I haven't posted it yet, because I couldn't figure out how to cut it down to size. So, I just decided not to and to make it a two-part situation. So, this episode is going to cover the first half of our conversation and then the second episode will be the other half of our conversation. We cover so much material, so don't worry, both episodes are going to be jam packed full of stuff. I think you're gonna like both of them. In this first half of our conversation, Master Joshua and I talk about honorifics and identity, spirituality and BDSM and the importance of mentorship among many other things so, I hope you are ready for a ride. Master Joshua is an incredible storyteller. There's quite a bit of stories throughout the course of this conversation. So, I hope you all enjoy it. I should say beforehand, there's a few trigger warnings. We do talk about the master slave dynamic a bit. We also talk about addiction briefly and there's mention of childhood trauma. This interview was one of the first interviews that I did, I was still kind of figuring out how I wanted my interviews to go. I'm really grateful that this one was more freeform, it allowed for us to flow into different topics and it felt right, and I tend to go with what feels right. So there. So here we go. This is the first half of my conversation with Master Joshua. Thank you, Master Joshua, for joining me today. I really appreciate you taking the time.

Master Joshua

Thank you so much, Parker. I'm really honored to, to, have this conversation with you. We've had a couple chats before, and it's really, it's really incredible connecting with you.

Parker

Yeah, I'm super excited to have it on the air and share it with everybody else. So, thank you for being willing. I normally start with people, with the guests introducing themselves however they would like to be introduced. So, if you'd like to go ahead.

Master Joshua

So, my name is Master Joshua. I'm out of New York City. I go by he/him when I'm representing a more masculine energy. I go by she/her or goddess or mistress when I'm in my more feminine expression. I am able bodied, BIPOC, of Latinx heritage, and culturally from New York City. I was born in Miami but my identity is New York.

Parker

Very much so. And we had a little conversation before, and I'd love to touch on it about your honorific and how you settled on Master Joshua. If you wouldn't,

Master Joshua

Totally.

Parker

yeah.

Master Joshua

So. So the title Master Joshua, Master. Right? There's a lot of there's a lot of history around, around, the title, the label Master. I'm of the mind frame, that honorifics are something that's earned through community as opposed to something self-titled. Right? Because anyone, in reality, anyone can call themselves anything you want. Right? So, when you carry an honorific, there's expectations of knowledge to go with it and Master when someone hears that, it's like you better know your shit. Good, bad or indifferent, people are allowed to create whatever identities or use whatever honorifics they so choose. And, you know, there's something to be said about that too. Right? If it's something that helps a person get into their headspace. Absolutely. As long as there's a conversation around the honorifics. Right?, what does it mean to that person?

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

If I meet someone who addresses themselves as introduces themselves as on insert honorific insert name? It's, it's, a turnoff for me. Right? So, unless I'm in some high protocol environment, I will introduce myself as Joshua. Right. Hi, my name is Joshua, I'm known as Master Joshua in the community. But please call me Joshua. Right? It's like, let me earn the honorific let me earn the title. So that was that was a and it's also like, for, for marketing. Right? I've put a lot of time into learning the trade, experiencing the lifestyle and committing to it. Right. I'm submissive to the BDSM lifestyle and the culture behind it. Right.

Parker

Right. I like the way you put that.

Master Joshua

because I have, I have, a leather band, leather flag that I wear on, on, my right side, and the right side identifies as submissive side. And, you know, with the flagging. Right?, you wear on the left, I'm in dimension top as a bottom,

Parker

Right. So, like the lesbian hanky code? Yeah.

Master Joshua

Yeah. The hanky code.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

So, you know, I have a leather pride flag that I have, that I wear it on my right and one I just liked how it felt. No, my left, my left, or my right. I haven't worn it in a while because I haven't with COVID and all

Parker

Yeah,

Master Joshua

It's hard to feel right. To, to behave and to express and to live by a code is one thing, but you feel the desire to dress and express. It's really like, it's really drawn out a lot of me. Right?. I wore full leather for the first time yesterday, in months and that was for a client meeting.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

it's, it's been, it's been tough. Trying to express it trying to be in that headspace to express it. Right.

Parker

Well, I think for a lot of people, even just like taking a shower during COVID has been hard. So yeah.

Master Joshua

Very much. Very much. So, I was asked, you know, why do you wear it on that side and forever, it was because it felt good until I sat with it and I and I remembered the tradition of top bottom left. Right?. It resonated with me to the way I live is by this code that I've learned and developed and personally developed and integrated within my own lifestyle of BDSM. Foundation. Right? Integrity, open communication, honesty, respect, equality,

Parker

yeah

Master Joshua

Things that are important for me. So, overtime master was to represent the investment that I've made through informing and educating myself and paying it forward on a community level, and a professional level. As time passed, I came across a male who, with my then partner, we were co-topping and the honorific came up and he says, I don't call another man master and because I serve no man, he said, and I sat with that. This was about four years ago, five years ago, and I sat with that, and I personally don't feel the master over anyone. Right? Power exchange relationships are difficult for me because one it's a huge investment. Right? And with where I have life going, where I've had it going with my own personal growth and professional development, it's hard to maintain someone else's life the way a power exchange commitment is, in my view. Right? So, so I don't enjoy power exchanges relationships. Are they necessary? Absolutely. I have a slave now, but,

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

There's a commitment to it. Right? There's a known commitment to our dynamic that isn't casual. So.\, so I sat there with him, and I said, well, I'm not here to be your master. Right? I don't, that's not my approach to it. I said, for me, it's more of a master student than it is the master, submissive or master slave,

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

And there is a power exchange in that. But it's not that I own you. It's that I've walked this path and I want to help you walk it for yourself, too. I want to walk with you. It became a master student type of power exchange relation, how I associate my master in my honorific in my name, to reflect my relationships with my friends, with my clients, with the community, and in my relationships.

Parker

I think that's so.

Master Joshua

Aside from the master slave.

Parker

Right? Yes. I think that's so important, because I've told you this before, but I'm gonna say it again for the podcast, that it's really important to have that master of a skill versus master over someone. I think especially just with the fraught history of slavery in America.

Master Joshua

Yeah.

Parker

It just like brings that up. For a lot of people at work, should bring it up for most people, I think, think and yeah, and I had told you before, I had a submissive call me Master and I really loved the gender fuck of it,

Master Joshua

Yeah.

Parker

instead of mistress. It just like doesn't carry the same oomph. Um, and but then I like got really uncomfortable with it. Once I like had a moment to sit with it, I was like, Ooh, this feels wrong for some reason. But then after talking with you, I'm like, oh, it's just, it's, it could just be how you look at it too like Master in a skill, or master of

Master Joshua

Yeah.

Parker

a skill rather than master over someone.

Master Joshua

Even, even with, even with the with the master slave role, power exchange dynamic. The idea is personal growth. Right?

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

I took that role over my submissive, now slave, with the intent of helping her become a better, helping her find more concrete footing in her life. There's a lot of variables that go into the relationship that, that I have to pick the right words for this, the trajectory that her journey was going wasn't, I wasn't happy about it and she was going to crash and burn. And she has a very complicated family situation. Not very complicated, but it's complicated enough,

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

And I didn't want to see that ruined. So, I offered my guidance, my lead for her follow to help bring her back onto her rope, but to take her off the road of self-destruction I should say. And that requires a certain investment from her and from me, so yeah, it's even the ownership. It's hard for me. I mean, while we're playing and stuff, I say things to her you know, who do you belong to, and all that stuff.

Parker

Of course, yeah, because that's just fun.

Master Joshua

at the end of the day, I mean, there's a level of commitment and ownership both ways. Right? Because she has me as much as I have her. If I can make her a better person, she can help me become a better person.

Parker

Absolutely. It's not a one-way street, for sure.

Master Joshua

It's not, it's not a one-way street.

Parker

And that I'm this is just bringing us right into, we're gonna, we'll get to a day in the life of Master Joshua in a bit but I think that this is a really good time to kind of ease into a basically, the reason why you and I first started to talk was like, when we first met, you were on a kink panel at the YNOT conference and it was my first time attending. And you said something about your BDSM journey and having to experience what it's like to be a sub in order to understand how you are guiding people on their own journey. And I really want to just like touch back on that conversation, because it was so fantastic, and you were so insightful. So, if we could talk a bit about your journey and like touching into your own submissive side in order to do your work as, as the guide that you see yourself as in your, in your, work.

Master Joshua

Absolutely, I'd love to, it's actually one of, it's something that I'd be, I get better talking at, the more I talk about it.

Parker

Cool.

Master Joshua

So, it's something that hasn't been much of a conversation more so something that I've observed myself going through. So, when I get an opportunity to talk about it, it helps me flesh it out. So, I can help explain it better, too. So, thank you for that for this opportunity.

Parker

So happy to help.

Master Joshua

So, when I started, when I came into the lifestyle, I was, I can't even say the lifestyle when I started. When I started feeling powerless over an addiction. Some people believe in sex addiction, some people don't. I do, and I believe that I am a sex addict and it controlled my life for many years. I'm one of those statistical parents of children with multiple women. Right? It's, I've burned in, I've crashed and burned numerous relationships with decisions I've made around sex, and it was powerless. Right? I was powerless. So, one of the things I wanted to gain was power over myself and power in my relationships. They were when I was 18, I had my first child and the relationship soured and tanked really quick and through the court system, this back in the 90s, fathers had to fight to prove their value. Right? It hasn't changed. It's changed but it hasn't changed drastically, today, to go through that system it's very disempowering, and very isolated,

Parker

I believe it.

Master Joshua

And for a lot of men who experience, it's very angering, and it creates a level of PTSD that brings a negativity towards the mothers of our children, in turn, creating a distaste towards women. Right? A, hate, towards women. Because why? Wow, this is the first time I'm actually getting, getting, to speak about this like this. Why? Why do I have to continue proving I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing at the same time she doesn't have to do anything. Right? And I'm putting air quotes because

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

this is how it feels.

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

So, time goes on and from 18 to like, early 20s. I have a resentment towards women but I'm also not malicious. Right? So how do I achieve power over my relationships with women? And I think the first sign of that was when I was able to say no, for sex.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

Right. When I've turned down sex for the first time, that was so powerful. Right? Because when does a man ever say no to a woman? Again, air quotes,

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

Culturally, then the society and culture that I grew up in, you know, your masculinity and manhood is defined by the amount of sex you have. Right? So, this is feeding itself, and I'm learning, and I'm building a better understanding of myself, and why

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

I'm excited to hear this back. Because I've, this is my first time putting these pieces together like this.

Parker

Yeah, and it's fascinating. Also, the, the idea that the bureaucratic system feeds into the hate of women. Right?

Master Joshua

It's yeah,

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

Easily, easily. So, time passes. And I, I've always enjoyed kinkier things. Curiosity. Always yeah since I was a kid playing doctor with my neighbor. Right?.

Parker

Right

Master Joshua

Five years old, this stuff starts early. It's not something that you turned 21 you're like, oh, yeah, I have a fetish. Right?

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

This is something that, that’s rooted, that, that if you look back, and it's not bad, and it's not malicious, and it's not, not, there's no malintent. This is genuine, primal curiosity that we have as human beings.

Parker

Yeah absolutely.

Master Joshua

Touch, sensations, stimulation. Right? It feels good. I'm curious why, why does the body have this? And why does the body do that?

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

Right. So, time progressed, and I was engaging. Right? And I'm up there, and I'm learning what power exchange is by dominating the sexual journey of the relationships. Right? Because I believe in equality. And I've always, culturally. Right? As a Latinx male, the way we are And then there's the whole umbrella of that too. Right? Machismo and Latino? And who does what? And how do you treat my mother, my mother and my grandmother left, and my sister left huge impressions in my life, on how I treat women. And the respect that I give my sister, I love my sister to the end of the world. She's my savior and my abuser. Right? The only one that I'm that can beat him up is me. Right?

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

Yes. And, but we're tight, like a tight bond. So, I've always led or engaged in my relationships with a level of equality, and an open and communication. I can't even say open communication, because actually, it takes years to learn. No shit. To be able to be honest, because we're not honest people from the get go.

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

And I believe we're conditioned that way. Right? Anyway. So, as I grew up, and I like matured in my relationships, I cheated, I lied, I cheated some more, and I lied, because sex was still my focus. Right? Now that I, now that I have the power of yes and no. Now I can choose who I engage with. Right? So, if I want, I will go out and get it's empowering. Right? To understand the chemistry of people you can activate.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

So, this was in my early to late 20s. I started to get involved in the, the internet exploded. Right? And I saw a million things, I saw fisting for the first time. I was like, There's no way that's real and sounding, you know, a lot of crazy air quotes, crazy stuff that I was curious about,

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

these things. And in the mid: 2000

Parker

Absolutely.

Master Joshua

On the same note, this can be weaponized too,

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

because you sit and watch, and you watch how easily this can be manipulated, because of the romanticized, romanticizing of what it is. Right?

Parker

Yes.

Master Joshua

You get someone out there who knows the lingo, who has bad intent, and it's easy for them. Right? Because there is a flavor to this, there's a flow to this, that, that it's observable, and you can learn it, and you can integrate it into who you are, and continue your exploration from that. What you do with it. Is this is important. Right? It's the whole great power, great responsibility.

Parker

Yes.

Master Joshua

Inspiring. Right? So,

Parker

I know it from Ru Paul, but that's.

Master Joshua

These connections and opportunities are very real. What are we going to do with it? As I continue growing, and as I continue talking about my relationships, and as I continue by not being truthful. Right? Like, at this point, I can't say lying. Because what I, what I'm learning, what I'm learning through this is integrity. Right? Just be truthful and there's nothing again, not the easiest thing in the world. It's simple. But it's not the easiest thing in the world.

Parker

No not at all.

Master Joshua

Right. So that's something that you have to put effort into is, what does integrity mean? Right? It doesn't just mean not lying. It also means being honest with yourself. Right? And not omitting and being transparent. Right? So, these tools, I started working on sharpening. Right? Because we know how to do it we just have to create the environment, and the support for ourselves that if we do it good, bad, or indifferent, it's going to change our lives for the better. Right?

Parker

Yes.

Master Joshua

And I started to notice this pattern, almost like watching karma work. Right? If you do what's right. Right? Will come back like, knowing that you have a debt to work off to. Right?

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

Of 35 years of, of karma that you're trying to fix throughout this entire process. Right? I believe in karma sensing. Like, I believe the trials and tribulations that I go through are payment for the past or earning for the future. It's, it's, it's a fucking headache.

Parker

It's a helpful way to look at it, though. It makes it maybe tolerable in the moment.

Master Joshua

Right. Right? First time, I said that first time I said that about the future, because

Parker

Oh,

Master Joshua

because like I pray and I asked for, I asked for the answers to come. I asked for the work to present itself. I don't ask it for it to be easy.

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

Right? And I noticed that every time I say it, because something difficult always comes in. I'm like, shit, why didn't I ask for it to be easier? But I like I like earning the stripes. Right?

Parker

Yep. We're here for a little pain.

Master Joshua

[garbled] I don't want to say I like it, but I understand it.

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

S, so, time continues, and I'm sharpening these skills and I have a dynamic that I have relationship that I've just entered a year ago, little over a year ago, actually, our anniversary is just passed last month.

Parker

How wonderful.

Master Joshua

And I told her, I said she's the first adult relationship I'm in as an adult, like,

Parker

Wow.

Master Joshua

because we're not adults in our fucking 20s, where we're just learning how to change our underwear right after messing them.

Parker

Oh my god for real though,

Master Joshua

Our 30s we're starting to learn how to walk, but we're still putting our fingers in outlets and eating stuff we shouldn't be eating. Right?

Parker

I have so many outlets to look forward to.

Master Joshua

And then our 40s, it's like I can I feel like an adult, like so this is what it feels like. Right? I think mentorship is huge. I have four kids, I have a 22, they're going to check my tattoos for ages. I have a 22 year old, a 23 year old, a 22 year old, a 15, and a 14 year old.

Parker

Wow.

Master Joshua

And my second I've been talking with her recently about the importance of mentorship or someone older than you to talk with. Right? That isn't family, that doesn't necessarily have to be family,

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

but someone who has walked and experienced life to help you. Right? Ask the questions in a platform for you to bounce things off of, or get some constructive criticism so that we don't have to continuously make the same mistakes, or at least without guidance to navigate them. Right?

Parker

Yeah. As long as you're willing to ask.

Master Joshua

Yeah. Right? It's like, that's why I love when people reach out to me, Joshua, Joshua, like on social media, I get people that ask me questions about, especially around self-identification. I just like, this is what I heard. Is this true? It's like, my youngest daughter, who's 14, I asked her about what type of sexual education are you getting, sex education are you getting? And she said, well, once in the sixth grade they taught us about the science behind baby making right.

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

That's not, that's nothing like, that's technical shit. If we were observing human beings, from a technical standpoint, how lame would we be right?

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

We look like destructive cancerous things, until we can understand the emotions behind it? Right. So, one of the first things I asked her was, so how do you identify? Something no one has asked her before,

Parker

oh my god.

Master Joshua

she goes, well, I like boys, but she's also a jock. Right? So, she carries a lot of masculine energy and she was I like, boys, but in the sixth grade, this one girl told me I'm a lesbian because of the way I walk. So, I said, listen, child, don't let anyone decide or label you for who you are, or who you love. I explained to her about my gender identity, sexual orientation, pansexual for the record. Right? I mean, we can go into the CPO sexual on, like more defined stuff, but I connect with people, my desire is the individual in front of me, regardless of your gender. Right? If we have a chemistry that works, and it develops into something a lot more intimate. I'm all for it. Right? Because I love you as a person by that point.

Parker

Absolutely.

Master Joshua

Let's share time and space and see how nasty we can get.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

Right. So, you know, supporting her in her questions, in her, and her journeys hugely important for me, because I didn't have that as a kid. Right? I had, I had DARE which was stupid.

Parker

It's awful.

Master Joshua

They had sex abstinence programs. Right? And then they started giving up condoms in school, which I had a pocket full of them but no one told us about relationship investment. No one told us about introspection, and, and finding peace with yourself. At least in the beginning. Right? Being okay with where you're at? Yeah. And then you have peer pressure and all that shit. It's like, it's a recipe for disaster. Why aren't we talking to our kids about it? Why aren't we normalizing the conversation?

Parker

Oh absolutely.

Master Joshua

Right. So, I think mentorship is huge. If I had someone who could have guided me in the first, I mean, just in fucking life, but even when I made it out to the community, I think, I think it helps mentorship. Mentorships a huge deal.

Parker

Do you see your, your role, as master, or, or DOM as a mentor?

Master Joshua

Yes, I absolutely feel that my role has developed into mentorship role in all facets, personal, professional, romantic, because I've got the experience, I create the space for others, to have their own experiences, and teach them what it's like to have a safe space so that they can recreate it for themselves and move forward with it. In this process, I've come across many masters and mistresses. Right? Who like to dish out punishment without understanding the mental, spiritual, psychological effects, physical effects that it has on the person?

Parker

Yes.

Master Joshua

Right. And one of the first things I, I learned in martial arts right is, I have to know how it's going to feel to get hit to see how this stuff works. Right? I've studied martial arts for a number of years and my approach is also very ritualistic martial arts based. I have a warrior, way of the warrior type of mentality, and way of the warrior spirit. Right? Do no harm but carry a big stick type of thing. Right? So, I believe in order for me to teach something I have to have learned it in order for me to teach something I have to have experienced, experienced it. Now you have people who say, well, I'm a master among, among male, you can't vaginally fist me so how can I experience it? It's like relax it's the formula behind,

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

So, the idea. If I'm going to put you through something I should at least know what your, what you're experiencing, what you're experiencing in it. Even if it's boiled down to the psychological midframe that you're in of submission. Right? How do I know what submission feels like? And how do I know where you're at? If I don't know it? If I don't know what commitment and faith is, and trust, how do I ask someone to give it to me? I don't know what that means to give to someone. How am I going to ask for someone to give it to me? Right? So, if we removed all the fetishes. Right? Submission as a mind frame working and investing your time into a purpose greater than yourself. Right? Understand what service means and understand what it means to give someone from yourself right before asking from someone else.

Parker

Yes.

Master Joshua

Right. Go fucking wait tables before you go out to eat.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

[garbled] dickheads

Parker

And if you aren't gonna wait tables, make sure you tip so much more.

Master Joshua

I mean, we can boil it down to that. Right? It's like, don't bitch about service if you never waited tables and know what it means to stand on your feet 10 hours a day?

Parker

Absolutely. Yes.

Master Joshua

Circumstantially. Right? Like if they fucked up my meal and the chicken and waffles come out cold and my drinks flattened? No.

Parker

Know when to complain. Just know. Yeah.

Master Joshua

Yeah, just know. Right? So, my, my understanding of that led me to, I started with bottoming. Right? Because submission for me doesn't come easy. Through my time invested in in learning, domination, about submission, topping and bottoming and all the ins and outs of this lifestyle. Submission isn't something that comes easy. Right? I have to have complete confidence in the actions of the person that's going to be handling my body. If I'm, if I don't, I can't shut it off. It's like I'm observing. I can't not right. So, you have to earn my trust and I hate to put it that way but you have to earn my trust, in the sense that you've invested the time in learning what you're about to do to me.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

If you can't, if I don't feel that confidence. Submission isn't coming.

Parker

Absolutely not.

Master Joshua

I'll bottom but I can't be submissive.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

I can't let it go. So, bottoming, I've done, I've done almost everything. I have to think about what I haven't done, that I've done to others. I mean, hook suspension, but I haven't done hook suspension to anyone.

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

There's one out there. I know this one, because we laughed about it when it came up but it's the basic understanding of I have to know what you're experiencing. Psychologically, spiritually, emotionally and physically. If I want you to really be a part with,

Parker

Absolutely.

Master Joshua

you know, you have the people who just go through the actions and it's just the motions. I know you'd like to be flogged, flog, flog, flog, next, you know.

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

It's not, it's not the same thing. Right? So, as a bottom, during times of stress and anxiety, I like to be heavily flogged, like, heavily, like beat me, so I can get that energy out of me. If, if I had known this 20 years ago, I'd have less half the tattoos I have now, because I realized that my tattoo work is my, was my, outlet.

Parker

Yes.

Master Joshua

For years right now I got like 80% of my body covered.

Parker

That's so relatable.

Master Joshua

I could have just done this with flogging. It's something I joke about now. But tattoos hurt I'm the biggest, softest, biggest crybaby in the world. So, talking with new people in the community, I try to plant the seed of experiencing what the submissive or the bottom is going to go through. So, you can empathize with him until you can relate and understand what they're experiencing. So, you, so you know that you don't go 100 miles per hour right off the bat, because that shit hurts. And you know, because look at your back. Right?

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

Ouch. Maybe I was doing this wrong. I was, I was working MAL with a booth called the kink shop.com. They actually sponsor, a sponsor a lot of the stuff that I've done, and they have a little Zapper. Right? And it's one of those copper little mini cattle products.

Parker

Oh, yeah.

Master Joshua

And they, they have a few ways to use a one. It's a loud pop, but it's not really painful, but it's scary. And then there's other ways that fucking hurt. Right? So, I know this because I have it and I've used it on myself. And I hate it. Right? It hurts.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

So, we're at the booth and we're vending and these little kids come over and I say kids because they're in their 20s acting like fucking jackasses. And this one kid picks it up, and he starts chasing his friend with it and he pops him with it and I grabbed him by the arm and I snatched the toy out of his hand and I address him firmly. I spoke about the importance of understanding what the person is experiencing

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

beforehand. And I asked him if he really wanted to try it and it created a scene to where he apologized, and he ended up trying to zap himself and realize how painful it was, and apologized to the kid right away. It's like,

Parker

Wow.

Master Joshua

Oh, my God, I didn't realize well, yeah, mother fucker like, you don't play around with this stuff. I've, and in New York, the kink community isn't fully integrated. Right? You have the pansexual community, you have the gay community, and then you have the queer community. There's no, the integration is loose. Right? So sometimes when I go out to gay bars, with boys that are my leather family that I play with, there would be people who would come and pick up a toy and swing it at the submissive that I'm topping in the middle of my scene, and it's like, people, like you have to reach out and touch someone to, to prove a point. It's like, don't put your hands on somebody. This is what's going to happen if you do this again. Right?

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

I love those types of swift, just swift justices, swift lessons, but you don't, you don't know what the person is experiencing. Right? Like, let's say, if, if this person was averse to being spanked because of childhood trauma,

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

And someone comes out and spanks them on the ass just out of the blue. It's like, you know, what are we doing here? Right. So,

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

understanding the roles of, of top and bottom, and what we experienced in both of them is hugely important.

Parker

Not to mention consent.

Master Joshua

instead of being the over the overall 100% informed consent being being deaky. Right?

Parker

Yes.

Master Joshua

So, my as time progressed, in my domination, my, my lifestyle experience on the top and dominant side, my window for trust shrunk. For me, engaging from a submissive side because things refined more and more, and people become became less and less able to fulfill the level of qualification, air quotes, that I need in order for me to be submissive. Right? And it's not just technical things,

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

It revolves heavily around self-confidence,

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

that I can be submissive to someone who is sure. Not false surety, but who has invested the time and is sure in their actions with my body? Right? Or, right, even in the sense of, if I tell you go run with it. Don't doubt yourself and don't doubt what I'm telling you run with it. Right?

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

Like, particularly fisting. I love being fisted with huge things for me.

Parker

Awesome.

Master Joshua

If I say greenlight, fucking don't doubt yourself in a moment like this, I don't need you to doubt I need you to push.

Parker

Yep.

Master Joshua

Right? Because we're breaking through boundaries and like, I need confidence. Right?

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

Because I'm in my space of fear. Right? We're at the edges of my boundaries. Uncertainty. Right? Tell me things are okay, walk me through it. Because,

Parker

Move forward with certainty.

Master Joshua

Right? With, as a as a dominant, as a strong willed submissive male. Right? Because I'm identified as a dominant. Right? I think men are innately submissive. Right? Queens are dominants, knights are warriors who are submissive to their queens. Submission doesn't mean weakness. Right? I like to get shit done, I'm very able to get things done. I need a leader who can point in the direction because I'm a warrior. I'm not, I lead. But after leading for x amount of time, I don't want to lead over time. I just want to push it down and fucking just follow directions. Sometimes everybody wants that break right?

Parker

Yes.

Master Joshua

Right? So, my, as time progressed, my trust windows shrank. I'm learning more about myself and what dominance and submission mean to me, but my bottom experiences widen. Right? Because I'm training people in how to top and how to use these instruments effectively. But three years ago, four years ago, is when the desire for submission starts to creep in, it starts to grow it comes in waves. Right? It's like it swells and then it shrinks it swells and then shrinks and the journey for submission has not been easy. Right? Because for me to hold potential power exchange experiences, up to such a high level isn't fair for those that are learning themselves. Right? Like, for the people that I trust in other aspects of my life.

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

I want to create the space for them to grow so that I can trust them in doing these things to me as well. Right? And so that's been that's been part of my journey for the last four years, three or four years is you really opening up these doors of understanding what, who am I as a submissive, but also what the different levels of the mind frame and experiences are? Like, I've experienced subspace twice in all these years. Right? And both of them came through sensual touch. One was from a male slave. He was lightly touching me, and I was on the massage table and I felt my face falling through the hole in the massage table it was wild.

Parker

Wow.

Master Joshua

I grabbed him. I said, Michael, don't go anywhere. Right? I got scared.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

Right. Because I've never experienced, and I envy that right. I envy the submissive who can experience subspace? Because I don't know that freedom.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

It's, it's painful to a degree. Right? Because it seems so peaceful, it seems so tranquil and I can help get you there. I've never experienced it to that degree. So,

Parker

Yeah it takes trust.

Master Joshua

It takes a lot of trust. So, after I fell through the massage table, that was short. Then there was another one actually, the second time my partner, she was spanking me and I was averse to spanking for a long fucking time, because I just hate people spanking my butt, the good game shit in school, I wanted to fucking punch people in the face. Or don't even slap my butt. Why you touching me?

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

Don't even fucking think about touching my butt? Right and so we were getting into it, and she was spanking me and in my mind, I was somewhere else, I said, ooh take off your clothes. And she said, my clothes are off, already off and at that moment, I realized I was somewhere else. I believe we are all switches. Right? I believe dominance and submission require a certain level of trust with the person sitting in front of us and there's a natural level of it.

Parker

Yeah. And I think, I mean, variety is the spice of life. Right? I feel like people who stick to only one or the other, aren't exploring one whole, whole ass side of themselves,

Master Joshua

By themselves.

Parker

Cause I feel the same way. I think everybody's a switch. Like we definitely have our preferences and our places where we're comfortable, but I think it's nice to get out of our comfort zone.

Master Joshua

Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. Yeah. It because my comfort is I have to think about that actually. Because there's where would I be comfortable? As opposed to where am I at? Right?

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

And believe me, there's days that I wish my partner and I will say primary, I hate fucking hierarchy,

Parker

i know.

Master Joshua

but for argument's sake. Right? For conversational sake primary relationship. I hope some days, I wish, I wake up and she has directions for me.

Parker

Wow.

Master Joshua

Get this done but this is what we need done today. Cool no question like, yes, ma'am. You know, I'll do it. Right?

Parker

Yes.

Master Joshua

She's my mommy to an. In our power exchange. There's a caretaker-caretakee. Like, I'm a little boy to her. Right? And it's, but I'm also the strength in the relationship.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

Right. She's this. She's here. Right? I'm here.

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

I can, I can move rocks.

Parker

For listeners who [garbled] She's here up at his head and he's his bicep muscle.

Master Joshua

Yeah, sorry, sorry. You know, I, and I've expressed it to her, you know, I would love for you to take the lead, just lead me, guide me.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

Because I work best that way. You know, I'm the guy, I was in law enforcement for a period of time, and I just wanted to be given my orders for the day and just let me go on and do it. Right? And if it's transporting people, if it's presenting in court, if it's going to the range, whatever, just tell me what I need to do. I'm like a hammer to the nail, bam, bam, bam. What do you need?

Parker

Yes.

Master Joshua

Black and white, but the way life has played out, up into this point, I've had to lead more than follow.

Parker

Yep.

Master Joshua

Because I've had to create my own safe spaces. I've had to create my own my own journey and all too often we leave the driver's seat up just to others for our own journey.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

And I couldn't have that. Right? The, the first experience, the, the experience that I had that really turned that over, was I went to a queer event when they were just starting here in New York years ago, a queer fetish event, and I showed up hetero, cis male representative. Right? And this is how I'm comfortable walking around. When I get to a venue, when I got to the venue, I was getting a lot of culture news and I just was made to feel real uneasy, and I hung out there for a couple hours then we left and what bothered me was, but if I was someone who was just coming out for the first time. Right? and in my bag, I had a change of clothes. Right? For a more feminine expression. Did you just shut me out because I walked through the door not fitting your description? Right? Not fitting your preference. And you've alienated my experience, my ability, my potential to open this door that can change my life forever. It was very heartbreaking, very disheartening to experience that in a community that's supposed to be supportive of our journeys. Right? So creating my own space, I ended up hosting my own events, with my then girlfriend, to create a space that was accessible and acceptable for every, of everyone that's not an asshole.

Parker

Yes.

Master Joshua

Don't be a dick, you can come in, just don't be a dick. If you're a dick, you got to go.

Parker

That's a great rule.

Master Joshua

But feeling safe, also is something that when it comes to roles. Right? Dominant, why are there so many male dominants out there? Right? If you boil up, there was a mistress I know who said, especially on FetLife most male dominants are submissives who couldn't get league? Right? So, what do they do? They empower themselves with the role. Right? And the knowledge to, to get what they want. Air quotes, all that in air quotes. If we could just find safety in, in the people in front of us so that we can converse openly, we can start really digging into our entire being, as opposed to the roles that get us from point A to point B.

Parker

Oh, absolutely. And I feel like, I mean, I love when my clients can come to me and most of my clients are cis white men. I love when they can come to me and are like, I'm curious about this fetish or like, I'm interested in feminization, or like, just any of those things where they're exploring their own sexuality, because I really think that we have an aggression issue in white men and I really think that if people can explore who they are honestly and openly with the people that they love around them, that we might have less of that. So hypothesis.

Master Joshua

Hugely, there was, there was a woman that that used to work for my partner. She is, she had a swingers club, that it became more fetish prominent after we connected instead, a woman that, that, that, used to frequent the, the venue and she was from upstate New York. And if anyone doesn't know, New York City's the only larger urban metropolitan area of New York state, New York State wholly, is farmland and country. Right? So, it's like very, not New York City. So, leading with that culturally. Right? Like white male, religious white males are out there. Abundance. Right? And she's in the venue, and we're talking. She's talking about the, he's assumed the male DOM role in the relationship, and they're unhappy, and he's an asshole, and it's like, she's really the dominant one, because she makes all the decisions in the house, and she makes the money, and you start stacking up the responsibilities and the dominant roles, hats that she wears, the male starts to feel a lot more insecure.

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

Right, creating conflict, creating anger, and violence, or potential for it. Right? Because now he has resentment. Right? Because I'm the DOM but I'm not shit because I'm not making the money. I'm not paying the bills, I'm not cooking the dinner, I'm not keeping the house. She's always mad at me. Right? I'm, I'm playing my fucking call of duty, and I say that I used to be a video game addict, I've spent hours on that shit. So, I would PlayStation nation, then I fucking cut that shit out. Right? Because we had responsibilities as human beings, to socialize with those in our life.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

At least I like to write to a degree,

Parker

Yes.

Master Joshua

to a degree, let's invest with what we have tangible in our life, because that's where experiences are made.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

So, anyway. So, she's telling me about her problems. And I said, well, what it sounds like is he doesn't want to accept his natural submission, submissive role in the relationship. Right? Because society has told him, culture has told him, religion has told him, the man is the head of the household. And so what do we do? Right? So, she went home, and she told him about our conversation and he messaged me on FetLife and he was cursing at me on, via message, and he's how fucking dare do you try to XY and Z and disrespect me and stuff like that? So, I give him my phone number and I had him call me. So, he call's me and he's fucking fuming on the phone I said listen and I laid it out. I said, this is what I see from where I'm standing and I've been doing this for a little bit. So just hear me out.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

So, I lay it all out. I point out all the dominant hats that she wears, I point out his profile religious, country, white male, dominance, pressure. Right? I said, try this, try not arguing with your wife for two weeks and doing as she says, and if you have any complaints, bring up the complaints after you do what she says. Let me know how things changed.

Parker

Wow.

Master Joshua

Sure as shit. He did it two weeks, and things were magical.

Parker

He did it.

Master Joshua

He did it.

Parker

Wow.

Master Joshua

I had to get a tone with him. That was more, I'm gonna say assertive, but in a guiding kind of way. Right?

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

I wasn't an asshole to him but I was speaking to him matter of factly.

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

Right. And he did it now.

Parker

Well and you, you made him feel seen. And then,

Master Joshua

Yeah.

Parker

gave him a bit of guidance, which is like,

Master Joshua

Yeah.

Parker

That is the approach rather than just, you know, coming at someone or coming for somebody with you know, how you see them? He felt seen.

Master Joshua

Yeah, yeah. So, it ended up it worked for a little bit. But then you know that shit has to be maintained. That should have, that's why you have mentorship. Right? When he starts feeling like he's little again, and insignificant and starts to resent. Listen, this is what's going on you push, push them right along.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

But you know, without, without some type of guidance or mentorship and commitment to working this system. So that everyone is seen and heard and respected it's gonna fall apart. Right? This stuff is not you. It's not a switch you turn on and it's done.

Parker

Oh, absolutely. That's amazing. I, I love that. He just messaged you and then it turned into a conversation. I almost wished more, more conversations like that. I mean, not almost I do wish more conversations like that would happen. I think they're really important because it really stemmed, like his his anger, stemmed from shame.

Master Joshua

Oh, hugely.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

Hugely. When you boil it all down. Right? If, until we can work past the shame and float in things that we enjoy and that represent us well that's going to be a battle.

Parker

Yeah, I find that shame can be at the root of so many, so many problems. And I think people in the kink community, and sex workers, and like people taking folks on this like journey of sexual exploration help people to face this shame that maybe they didn't even know they had around things. And I like I am here for this, like, it's not even like sexual liberation because I find that when I face something that I've had shame around whether it's sexually related or not, that I am a more liberal, liberated being. That was, that was what attracted me to like reach out to you. When you said like, I help, like, I guide people through this journey because, I do, I do see it as a journey and so many people approach it as we're talking about like, the, the there's a lot of DOMs, like men, male DOMs out there. Yeah, there's a lot of DOms out there who are approaching it from, I'm like, I'm like I don't like how I just said that.

Master Joshua

No, it's funny because it's the cis dom, cis male dominance.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

Because even, even with the trans, trans men, trans men aren't the same.

Parker

No.

Master Joshua

In, in, in the, in the way that, and this is a generalization, aren't the same in the way that the lifestyle is approached? Right?

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

Because culture, just culture and society have raised them differently.

Parker

Yes.Yep.

Master Joshua

Right? Now the there's the expectation of from the man,

Parker

Yes.

Master Joshua

Right? The trans man has had to transition to this point, has had to deal with different experiences in life. That,

Parker

Yes.

Master Joshua

will give them a different perspective.

Parker

Yeah. So, it's like the cis men, the cis men that approach it from a place of like yeah.

Master Joshua

How many? How many? How many messages do you get a month by DOM looking to submit? Right?

Parker

Yeah,

Master Joshua

Mistress, I've never done this before, but I'll do it for you right.

Parker

Yeah. Yeah, or even just like looking for sub and it's just like, yeah, that's, that's super common.

Master Joshua

Did you not read my profile?

Parker

Yeah. Yeah, and it's, but yeah, and that style is very much so like there's a lack of aftercare. There's a lack of like, truly understanding a person and what it is that they want. One thing you said in our conversations before that I've honestly, I can't stop thinking about it is the asking someone how they want to feel, rather than like what acts they like?

Master Joshua

Yeah.

Parker

And I love that.

Master Joshua

So, the idea behind that. Right? Through, through time, again, through time learning and a lot of listening. One of the one of the life, life in game changing pieces of information that I learned was the approach of wanting to understand the feeling, the desired feeling, as opposed to the desired action. So, again, it's simple when you think about it, but these aren't, this isn't the approach we're taught to, to experience our journey with.

Parker

Right.

Master Joshua

So, if I asked you, do you like to be flogged? Yes, I like to be flogged hard or soft? Right? Stingy or thuddy. It's like check, check, check, check. But what we don't think about is, what type of feelings do you want to elicit? What type of feelings? What do you want to experience emotionally? While on, I'm flogging you?

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

Do you want it to be a disciplinarian feel? Do you want it to be a sensual, connected feeling? Do you want to feel punished or challenged? Right?

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

Where and how are we feeling this? Right? Because not only that. Right? But I have to interpret what you want to feel with my understanding of how to express that. Right? So how do I dominate a person who wants to bleep be flogged centrally? How do I dominate centrally? And what does that look like for me? Right? How there's, there's a lot that goes on between the two in negotiation or in understanding the other person.

Parker

Yep.

Master Joshua

Right? That's why like, I understand negotiating and vetting for weeks out at a time and especially if it's if you're going to connect, to play, but check in that day. Right? Because how you're feeling a week before isn't going to be the same how you feel that that day when you walk in through the door,

Parker

Right in the same way like, I could feel more of a DOM one day and like more of a sub the next or even just like months out like we change as life goes on day to day but also like year to year.

Master Joshua

Yeah. Or like let's say you woke up having a fantastic day. Coffee was on point, your breakfast sandwich Egg McMuffin came out toasty.

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

Right? Before you got to a session someone. You got a ticket? Now you're angry, like you motherfucker, right now you're showing you're not happy and cheery anymore, maybe. So, instead of a, instead of some central play, now you need a hard paddling to,

Parker

Yeah.

Master Joshua

get that progression out. So, understand that we change and it's not a day to day thing. It's a minute to minute thing.

Parker

Very much that. And this is where we're going to leave the conversation for this episode. I hope you all have enjoyed it. So far, it only gets increasingly juicy as we go on. So, stick around. Stay tuned. Listen to the next episode. I know you were going to anyway, but I thought I'd just mentioned it as an idea. Some of the things we mentioned in this episode are linked in the show notes, including the YNOT Conference, which is a conference for content creators in the adult industry, as well as kink, shop.com. There's a lot of different ways to support this podcast, you can continue to listen, that's great, love that. You can become a patron on patreon.com/sexy Galaxy pod, and 50% of those proceeds go to the work of a network of sex workers to excite revolution or ANSWER Detroit. You can leave a review, which would be really helpful for my ratings and helping other people find the show. So, if you feel so inclined, and you're feeling like tippy typing something up, that's really nice. Please do that. Thank you all for listening. I really love that this is a part of my life. Like I am so grateful that I get to create this content and that people actually listen to it. It's pretty fantastic. And space facts. When you're moving at the speed of light, you can see all of the colors in the light spectrum, all at the same time. And it's like a big queer acid trip. You're welcome. Nanu nanu, Motherfuckers.